Sex is an important part of any relationship. And life is too short to have terrible sex. 

So this begs the question:
 
What do happy couples do that unhappy couples don’t?
 
As it turns out, there are several things.

In today’s article, we’re going to focus on the top 10 intimacy ideas that happy couples use to keep things spicy.

Let’s jump in.
 

1 | They Both Initiate

couple kissing

I know what you’re thinking:
 
Sometimes work, family, or life in general, can get in the way of how much we feel like initiating.
 
But here’s the thing:
 
We all have the desire to feel wanted.
 
People who have amazing sex lives know that while saying yes is great- wanting their partner so much that they ask for it is even better.

Here’s why:
 
It takes the pressure off
 
Both men and women have a fear of rejection.
 
When initiating is something both people do, it erases that burden and leads to more sex.
 
And actually, failing to initiate is one of the biggest sex mistakes we can make.
 
Why? Because if one person always feels like they initiate, it sets up disequilibrium on the passion scale. Not good.
 
It boosts confidence
 
People who initiate are letting their partner know that they enjoy it enough to ask for it.
 
This is not only a huge turn-on, but it builds confidence for both people. 
 
One person feels good about being desired. The other feels empowered about going after what they want.
 
Win-Win.
 
It strengthens the bond
 
Intimacy is a great way to build intense chemistry between two people.
 
Listen:
 
Sex isn’t just about satisfying an urge – it’s also about building an emotional connection.
 
Physical intimacy leads to increased connectedness and more pleasure. It gives greater satisfaction and releases endorphins.
 
And who doesn’t want that?

2 | They Flirt

couple hugging

If you think that flirting is just what you do when you’re dating someone, think again.
 
Flirting when you’re in a long-term relationship (or married) is more important than ever.
 
Think back to the beginning of your relationship. Were you more affectionate and flirtatious?
 
Remember how you’d dress up and make sure you looked good before you saw each other?
 
Bring that back.
 
Flirting keeps the spark alive and allows the sexual energy to simmer in-between the act.

3 | They Stay Curious

couple cuddling close

Let’s face it – turn-ons can change over time. Happy couples always stay curious about what their partner is into. And they’re always looking for new intimacy ideas.
 
So here’s the thing:
 
Communication is key to a healthy sex life.
 
…because unless you’re a mind reader, you’ll have to actively get your partner to express what their sexual needs are.
 
Successful couples create a deep sexual connection by learning what gets their partner going – on a physical and mental level.
 
The sexual relationship thrives when both people invest in discovering turn-ons.

4 | They Put Sex on Their Partner’s Mind Throughout the Day

woman texting on phone

Have you ever heard that foreplay starts at the end of the last orgasm?
 
All the small things you do outside of the bedroom add up to you and your partner getting in the mood for later.
 
This is a great way to think about sex.
 
People who think this way almost never lose the spark that’s so important in keeping the relationship alive.
 
These days, there are so many ways to communicate with your partner.
 
Consider sending your partner a racy text or a sexy picture (of course, only if you 100% trust them).
 
Keeping sex on their mind adds foreplay to the relationship and builds a connection when you’re apart.

5 | They Have Confidence

man sitting on bench

This one almost goes without saying, but I guarantee there’s still someone out there that needs to hear it.
 
Of all the factors that affect how sexually satisfied we are – one of the most important is our confidence.
 
Know what you bring to the table.
 
Realize that you’re not only desirable but what you bring to the table is highly valued by your partner.
 
What sets the sexually confident person apart is that they’re relaxed.
 
They allow themselves to fully experience sex because they aren’t focused on what they dislike about their body.
 
Or which side of their face is their best side. (Don’t be that person)
 

6 | They Wear Less to Bed

woman in lingerie

…or better yet, they wear nothing at all.
 
Wearing ratty pajamas or sweatpants to bed might be putting a damper on your sex life.
 
So when you’re looking for intimacy ideas, try this:
 
Find something nice, fun, and flirty to wear instead. Besides, don’t we all feel better when we’re wearing something nice?
 

7 | They Aren’t Selfish

man tickling woman

Couples who have great sex make sure that they’re both equally satisfied.
 
Great sex is about being selfless.
 
Happy couples understand what their partner wants and what it takes to get them there.
 
Sex lives that are one-sided can lead to bigger problems down the road.
 
It can cause resentment – and when left unresolved – can completely ruin the relationship.
 
More often than not, happy couples make sure that both of their sexual desires are met.
 
So if they only have time for a quickie and only one person orgasms, then they make sure it’s mutual next time.
 
It stops it from becoming an unhealthy pattern.
 
(It doesn’t have to be equal every single time but it does need to be the majority of the time.)

8 | They Keep it Spicy

man and woman kissing

Change is good but it isn’t always easy. It takes work but the effort is worth it.
 
Having sex at the same time, place, and in the same position can get a little…well, boring.
 
It doesn’t just have to be at night
 
Couples who have sex at random times tend to have better sex lives in general.
 
Don’t just settle for every night before bed. Spice it up by giving your partner a proper lunch break.
 
It doesn’t just have to be in the bedroom
 
Do it in the shower, in the kitchen, or find somewhere to sneak away outside of the home.
 
If you really want to spice it up, read the Little Black Book of Sex Positions.
 
Sex toys can be fun
 
These days, we don’t have to physically walk into a sex store to buy lingerie or sex toys.
 
Who else is thankful for online shopping?
 
You don’t have to buy every new sex toy you come across, but it’ll help you with fresh intimacy ideas to switch things up.
 
Plus, you might learn more about what you like in the process.
 

9 | They Stay Connected

couple holding hands

Couples that report being the happiest are the most attentive to each other’s needs.
 
They place a priority on having time together that is distraction free. More distractions mean less relationship time.
 
So give priority to the things you care about.
 
“Many women say that there’s no time for sex, but admit to checking Facebook an hour before bed,” says relationship expert, Andrea Syrtash.
 
Even just having the TV on in the bedroom can reduce how much sex couples have.
 
Turning off your phone, computer, and tablet is always a good idea for spending quality time and setting the mood.
 

10 | They’re a Team

couple holding hands

This includes doing your part and trying to make your partners life easier. A relationship is about compromise. We all know this.
 
Happy couples know that it sometimes means they have to let go of their own comforts. Especially when it makes their significant other happier.
 
One study found that relationships characterized by the willingness to compromise meant that couples reported higher levels of happiness.
 
Have you ever wanted to help someone who has helped you in the past? The same principle applies to your relationship.
 
Be willing to give more than you receive, and you’ll get that in return.
 
The more you give – the more you’ll receive. Your good deeds don’t go unnoticed and your partner will rise to the occasion.
 
Thanks for reading.

Madison Eubanks is a Clinical Psychiatrist with over 13 years of experience in diagnosing mental health issues, cognitive therapy, handling relationship dynamics, and overseeing individuals and couples therapy. Connect with Madison on LinkedIn.
 
Are you looking for relationship tips to build intimacy? Maybe you want to build a stronger relationship and you ask yourself, "How can I attract my husband?" or "How can I turn on my wife?" This is more than just dating advice for women, these are healthy marriage tips to help you reach your relationship goals. #dating #love #relationshipadvice #relationshiptips

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15 thoughts on “10 Sex Habits that Happy Couples Swear By”

  1. Some of the best advice. I’ve heard some of these tips years ago but was happy to hear them again as a reminder.

    • Thanks Sylvia. I agree we all need a little reminder from time to time!

  2. This is great information about sex and relationship management. Intimacy is one of the most important parts of a healthy relationship.

  3. What if only one partner is doing all of these things and the other doesn’t return this? How do you get your partner to be on the same page?

    • I did that for years. It took getting out of the relationship and finding someone who shares my love languages to have the relationship we both deserve.

  4. Melissa you shouldn’t have to ask.

  5. This is a good information that can really keep a relationship going.thanks kehinde is a good reminder.

  6. Would it be permissible to link this article to a post on sexual intimacy on our blog?

    • Sure Tom, feel free! Thanks for reading.

  7. This is great information really. My partner has introduced me to his fantasy sensations to spice up our sex life, in that we have other fantacy Partners while having sex or on phone sex…i need to ask can that as well be another way to Intimacy ideas or is it just wierd.

  8. Thanks for sharing. Intimacy is important in a relationship but I like how you included communication. We need to talk and share what we like & dislike. We need to be willing to try what our partner likes (as long as it’s not harmful).

  9. I wish my husband, now ex husband for the second time would have listened to that advice when I gave it to him but alas… time to move on since.. sex 3 times in 3 years, I’m finally done

  10. I am adding ideas to my relationship. thank you.

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