Confidence. Some people just have it.
You can see it in their walk, the way they greet people, and the way they handle themselves in social situations.
Here’s the thing:
Confidence is often the single largest distinction between people who get what they want and people who don’t.
And so when it comes to having confidence, one thing is true:
Truly confident people always have the upper hand over people who are insecure.
Our mind is a powerful tool. The influence it has on what we’re able to achieve in life (or not achieve) shouldn’t be underestimated.
So how do you define confidence?
In the simplest terms, it’s a trust you have in yourself. It’s that feeling of self-assurance you have when you appreciate your qualities and abilities.
It’s when you know what you bring to the table.
Want to know the best part?
Confident people report earning more money, getting more promotions, and are all around happier people.
So what exactly is it that they do differently?
“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.”
(This post may contain affiliate links. Check out my full disclosure policy here!)
1. They’re Active Listeners
Have you ever wondered what makes someone have the it factor?
As it turns out, there are three main things that help you project confidence and charisma.
One of them is your ability to actively listen.
Here’s the deal:
Insecure people tend to speak more than they listen.
They want to share their opinions, views, and stories with everyone.
They feel like they need to be heard to be important.
But, confident people listen. They don’t have to speak to add value.
They have that it factor that you can’t really put your finger on – you just know it when you see it.
It comes down to this:
There’s a difference between listening and really listening. Confident people understand that difference.
They actively listen by giving you their complete and full attention, instead of waiting until it’s their turn to talk.
2. They Have Goals
“The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score.”
- 3% had written goals and plans to reach them
- 13% had goals in their heads but hadn’t written them down
- 84% had no goals at all
After 10 years, the same group of students were interviewed again.
The results were surprising:
The 13% of the class who had goals, but did not write them down, earned twice the amount of the 84% who had no goals.
The 3% who had written goals were earning, on average, 10 times as much as the other 97% of the class combined.
Chances are, this isn’t the first time you’re hearing that you should have written goals. It won’t be the last.
There’s a reason why books like these are so popular. Those principles will transform your life.
So here’s what it comes down to:
The man at the top of the mountain didn’t fall there. He set goals, developed a plan, and worked hard to get there.
So what are you waiting for?
3. They’re Action Oriented
Someday is not a day of the week.
Confident people know that a good plan executed today is better than a great plan executed someday.
Waiting for the “perfect time” or the “right opportunity” just wastes time.
There will always be a million reasons as to why you should wait, put off, or try something else.
But time is limited. You don’t have forever to do this stuff.
Success means progress. Take the first step here, now, today.
Acknowledge the doubts and fears you might have but keep pushing forward anyway.
Want to know the best part?
When you take action, you trigger other things that will carry you to success.
You let people know you mean business.
People start to respect you.
You attract people with similar goals into your life.
You build momentum.
So get busy living.
Related: 16 #GirlBoss Habits to Develop Now
4. They See Failure as a Great Opportunity
The simple truth is this:
No great success was ever achieved without failure. It could’ve been one epic failure or a series of failures.
(Like Edison’s 10,000 attempts at creating a light bulb).
Nobody is immune to failure, not even confident people.
The difference though, is that confident people don’t let roadblocks stop them.
“Giving up is the only sure way to fail.”
– Gena Showalter
Confident people see failure as an opportunity to learn something.
After all, it’s not the strongest species that survive, it’s the ones that are the most adaptable.
5. They Don’t Avoid the Scary Thing
Have you ever wanted to try something but let fear hold you back?
You had a dream and you killed it.
The more you go after what you want in life, the more likely you’ll have to face something that makes you nervous.
Confident people acknowledge that fear is a natural part of the human experience.
I once heard someone say, “Start before you feel ready.”
Why? Because the things you’re afraid to do are usually the things you need to do in order to get where you want to be in life.
Nothing builds confidence like taking action, especially when that action is scary.
Insecure people ask themselves:
What will other people think?
What if I fail?
How do I explain this?
Confident ask themselves:
If I don’t try it, will I regret it later?
“We are all failures – at least the best of us are.”
– J.M. Barrie
6. They Don’t Obsess Over Other Peoples Opinions
Confident people take action without asking for permission.
They remind themselves, “If not me, then who?”
Confidence and people pleasing just don’t go together.
If you rely on other people’s praise to lift you up, then be prepared for their criticism to tear you down.
Here’s a truth about life:
You can’t please everyone you meet. Everyone doesn’t have to get along.
It’s okay to not be everyone’s cup of tea. That’s just how life works.
Confident people understand that. So instead they focus on the quality of their relationships, not the quantity.
7. They Say “No”
A recent study conducted by the University of California found that people who struggle with saying “no” are more likely to experience stress, burnout, and depression.
There are times when you have to learn to say no.
Maybe you need to dedicate time to what matters, or you just don’t want to agree to something you don’t want to do.
Confident people are happy to decline the things they don’t have time or energy for.
They know their priorities.
And they understand what makes them happy, and people treat them with respect because of it.
“When you say yes to others, make sure you aren’t saying no to yourself.”
8. They’re Willing to Learn
One of the best things about life is that we never have to stop learning.
There’s always new skills for you to learn and new habits to adopt.
Warren Buffet spends a lot of his time reading.
And if that’s not enough reason to learn, here are a few more:
The more you learn, the more you can potentially earn.
Learning makes you more interesting.
Learning keeps people from taking advantage of your ignorance.
Learning gives you something to look forward to.
What did you learn today?
9. They’re Willing to Teach
Confident people play to their strengths.
They don’t have to know everything to feel like they know something.
They’re open, collaborative, and willing to share what they know with other people.
If you know anything—and I know you do—you should be sharing what you’ve learned with other people.
“The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself.”
― Oscar Wilde
10. They Celebrate the Success of Others
When you know who you are and like who you are, it’s easy to clap for other people.
Because confident people compete with themselves – not everyone else.
When you lack confidence, you let others determine the challenges and you compete with them on their terms.
But who wants to measure themselves against someone else’s yardstick?
When you’re able to celebrate other peoples achievements, you don’t pit yourself against them.
You learn from those people.
You build relationships with successful people.
You surround yourself with positive people who will clap for you too.
Related: 10 Habits that Block Your Success
11. They Never Underestimate the Power of Consistency
“What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.”
If failure and fear are natural parts of life, then the only thing that can beat them is consistency.
Because when you take a hard look at successful CEOs and leaders from all over the world, one thing is clear:
They never underestimate the power of consistency.
They show up day in, day out, come rain or shine – over and over and over again.
They put in the work to get them where they need to be.
You might’ve heard the saying: If you are persistent, you will get it. If you are consistent, you will keep it.
I really enjoyed Inc.com piece on the power of consistency, which ultimately came down to this simple principle:
Consistency is the difference between failure and success.
12. They Speak With Conviction
“With confidence, you’ve won before you’ve started.”
Confident people use words with intention. They speak with certainty.
They stay away from phrases like:
“I’m not sure if…”
“I think that…”
“Well this might sound silly, but…”
“I may be way off base with this, but…”
And they avoid the mistake of over apologizing.
Oftentimes, people apologize for things that aren’t even mistakes at all.
When you say the words “I’m sorry” you’re essentially taking responsibility for an outcome, whether or not it was actually your fault.
That undermines your power.
Julian Treasure has a great TED talk on how to speak so people want to listen.
The key takeaway is that if you want to speak with conviction, you should speak slowly and clearly.
When you show others you’re not in a hurry, you also show them that you trust in yourself and abilities.
You convey that you’re worth taking the time to listen to.
13. They Have Assured and Open Body Language
Have you ever seen someone with real presence enter a room?
Or watched a speaker command an audience on stage?
If you’ve ever seen someone walk onto a stage and command the crowd, you’ll know it’s captivating.
These are the people we listen to, learn from, and look up to.
They walk confidently. They hold their head up. They have natural energy. They make eye contact. They smile and engage with the people around them.
Their body language is open and they take up space.
They’re relaxed. They exude confidence.
And they’re always projecting the best version of themselves because of it.
14. They Avoid Negative Assumptions
“I’d never get that job.” How come?
“My boss would never agree to that idea.” Are you sure?
“They’d probably want someone younger/older/more qualified than me for that position.” How do you know?
Confidence isn’t formed by focusing on the negatives in life or falling into the trap of being a victim.
There’s power in positive thinking.
What is possible, what you do have, and how you can work towards reaching your full potential, one day at a time.
15. They Ask for Help
Once they’ve done a good job, confident people are happy with it and accept recognition for their hard work.
But that doesn’t mean they didn’t ask for help along the way.
Confident people realize that success is often the result of a team effort.
They ask for help and acknowledge the people who have supported them.
“It takes both sides to build a bridge.”
It’s not about being weak or unintelligent.
It’s about understanding your strengths and weaknesses and being willing to let others fill in the gaps.
After all, teamwork makes the dream work, right?
Thanks for reading.
Share this picture: