If there’s one thing all men ask themselves, it’s this:
How do I get my wife in the mood?
Because the last thing you want is your wife to treat sex as an obligation.
You want her to enjoy it.
You want to make her happy in bed. You want her to actually want it so much she asks for it.
And since you’re here, you’ve probably learned one thing about women:
They’re tricky. Sometimes they don’t even know what they want.
And you might’ve heard the saying:
Men are like microwaves, women are like slow cookers.
It takes women longer to get turned on. That means what you do now sets the mood for later.
So is it possible to learn how to get your wife in the mood?
Definitely. But a fair warning to all the men out there:
This is a process. Don’t be lazy with it. Put a little effort in and you’ll reap the rewards.
1. Step Up Your Game
This is probably the most important but overlooked pieces of advice when it comes to sex.
Other people say things like, “Fold the laundry for her” or “Do the dishes”
Look, don’t get me wrong – those things are nice. But the number one key for turning her on comes down to this:
You have to learn how to make her happy in bed.
If you leave her feeling like man, that was amazing – guess what happens? She wants more.
And she’s more likely to initiate because of it. Who doesn’t want that?
But here’s the thing:
The female vagina is ridiculously complicated, like a Swiss Clock. No wonder women don’t even understand it.
Thankfully, there’s a lot of resources to help men learn what to do. (I’ve read plenty)
But the best I’ve found by a long shot is a book called She Comes First. That guy has done his homework.
The book itself is technical. It gives you a lot of information about female anatomy and their sex cycle.
But if you do even half the techniques outlined in the book, she’ll be happy.
I’m not going to write a long review of this book as there are hundreds of them already written. But, what I will say as a man who wanted to learn how to please his wife, this book gave my husband a Masters Degree in it.
Full disclosure: He got the book because he wanted to make sure I was orgasming every time we had sex. He had read a statistic that said 80% of women fake orgasms.
And if you’re trying to find out how to get your wife in the mood, then you don’t want them faking it.
So not only did he not want his wife to fall into that statistic, but he wanted to be at the top of his game.
At first, he didn’t tell me he read it because he wanted to see if it changed anything. The first time I knew something was completely different.
Since I could tell something was different, he ended up telling me he read the book. We both learned something from it.
So even if you’ve been around the block a few times, I can guarantee you’ll learn something.
The funny thing is, most of us strive to improve in every other area of our lives…except sex.
We work hard to advance in our careers. We work out to increase fitness. We focus on professional development.
Sex is an important part of your life, that’s why you’re here. So when was the last time you stepped up your game in the bedroom?
2. Learn Her Peak Times
If you’re learning how to get your woman in the mood, start by figuring out her peak times.
Most female mammals go into “heat” – periods where they can get pregnant. This is when they become more interested in sex.
Unfortunately for us, our wives don’t go into heat.
But a good amount of research shows that women’s sex drive tends to peak when they’re ovulating. Ovulation usually occurs halfway between periods.
So if her period ends on the 1st, then by the 15th (halfway) she’s ovulating again. Her energy level rises, her cervix becomes softer, and her hormones increase.
This increases your chances of getting laid.
3. Don’t Let Days Go By Without Touching
Have you ever heard that foreplay starts at the end of the last orgasm?
All the small things you do outside of the bedroom add up to you and her having fun later.
This is a great way to think about sex.
If you’re figuring out how to get your wife in the mood, you have to see sex as more than just sex.
It’s a slow buildup of what you do in between.
It’s the hug and kiss you give before work. It’s prioritizing touching and showing affection.
So focus on physical touch and affection each day. Sit close to her. Hold her hand. Rub her arms. Don’t make her think touching only means you want sex.
4. Be Assertive
Coming home and asking, “So what should we do tonight?” is one of the worst things you can do.
Instead, walk in the door and say, “Go get ready, we’re going to dinner by 7:00”
It isn’t about being controlling, it’s about being assertive.
Give her an option: either follow your lead or propose an alternative. Don’t leave everything up to her.
Women are attracted to alpha men. One of the biggest mistakes we can make in our sex lives is being passive.
So go take charge.
5. Don’t Let Her Get Bored
Sex researches William Masters and Virginia Johnson say one thing is crucial to having a great sex life:
“Reasonably good health and an interesting partner.”
So ask yourself:
When your wife looks at you, does she still see the same interesting guy she started dating? Or have you fallen into a dull routine?
Get back to what made you interesting to begin with.
Did you have personal hobbies? Did you have a life outside of her? What new skills did you have that interested her?
Bring that back.
Here’s what a reader had to say:
“One of the hottest things my wife does is constantly try new things. One day, she joined a class at a local gym. When she came home in her workout clothes the first time, it was a big turn on. I wasn’t used to seeing her that way. It was interesting. It kept her interesting.”
It’s no different for men. We have to try new things and be interesting to our wives.
I’ve always heard the key to attraction is keeping someone a little off balance.
Show her a side of you that she didn’t know existed. It creates mystery.
6. Find Out Her Love Language
Alright, so this one can get a little cheesy. But if you’re trying to learn how to get your wife in the mood, it’s important to know.
When I first heard about the whole love language thing, my eyes glazed over.
But then I realized what I wasn’t actually giving my husband what he wanted. (More on that later)
So there are five love languages:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Physical Touch
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Quality Time
5. Acts of Service
Most of us fall within 1-2 categories. For example, my husbands love language is physical touch (highest) and quality time (2nd highest)
This means he’s into affection, hugs, and touch. He also likes spending time with me.
Me, on the other hand, I prefer words of affirmation. I like to be complimented and listened to.
For the longest time, he tried to show love HIS way which was through touch. But he had to learn what I really wanted.
These days, compliments and listening go a long way for me.
So when it comes to learning how to make your wife happy in bed, start by understanding her first.
That’s why I’m not a fan of the “do the dishes” approach to turning on your partner. You can be scrubbing dishes all day long, but if what she really wants is words of affirmation – you’re missing out.
There’s a free test you can take that will tell you your love language. There’s also a book about it, although I haven’t read it. (I just read the free resources online)
Alright guys, those are my 6 tips for getting her in the mood. Let me know in the comments what you do that gets the job done. And as always, thanks for reading.