Let’s face it.
Women are complicated. And when it comes to the bedroom, sometimes they don’t tell you what they really want.
So it can leave you wondering:
What do women like in bed?
Because here’s the thing:
You want her to enjoy it so much that she actually asks for it.
And since you guys enjoyed our article on the common sex mistakes women make, we knew that we had to do one to help the men out. So we posed the question to women, “Ladies, what’s your best sex tips for men?”
And as it turns out, learning how to please a woman in bed is just as much about learning what not to do as it is about learning what to do.
So what are the common sex mistakes men make?
Let’s find out.
1 | Judging her excitement by how wet she gets
“A lot of men take it really personally if we need lube, and they almost see it as a small sign of failure. But every woman’s natural lubrication is different and I wish more men realized that. For me, no matter how turned on I am, I always need lube to help get things started.” – Jamie, 29
So here’s the thing:
If you think lube is only for older women or women who aren’t aroused, then you’re seriously mistaken.
Let me explain.
A recent study showed that 65% of women report using lube. And when asked why, these women said they used it because it makes sex more comfortable and fun – not because they weren’t excited.
Still not convinced?
An Indiana University study involving 2,453 women found that lube used during sex alone or with a partner contributed to higher levels of satisfaction.
Another study found that nearly 50% of couples who used lube said it made orgasming easier.
So fellas, one thing I want to point out in these sex tips for men is this:
Don’t beat yourself up if she wants to use lube. It doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. We promise.
Need help finding the right lubricant? Click here to see the top-rated lubes on Amazon.
2 | Touching certain areas without asking
“One of my most cringe-worthy memories is when a guy tried to put his finger up my butt when he was fingering me for the first time. He didn’t even ask me, he just went for it.” – Tanisha, 28
Here’s the thing:
It’s important to ask first before finding out later. You don’t want to risk touching her in areas she doesn’t like and ruin your chances with her altogether.
So when in doubt, ask what she’s into.
3 | Neglecting the clit
This was the number one mistake women said men made.
Here are some of the things they told us:
“Don’t expect intercourse alone to give us an orgasm. I’ve never orgasmed from intercourse alone. It’s always been from oral sex with a focus on the clit.” – Private
And other women chimed in…
“We focus on our clits when we masturbate. It’s what takes us to the finish line. That finger-banging stuff you see in porn is just for show. The clit is where it’s at.” – Heather, 32
And it continued…
“I think most men don’t even know where the clit is. I remember one guy started rubbing my vulva like he was trying to start a fire.” – Monica, 26
These women are onto something.
In fact, one of the biggest takeaways from a Men’s Health magazine survey was the number of men who said that clitoral stimulation is the best way to get her to orgasm.
Over and over again, men that participated in that survey said things like:
“Clitoral stimulation through oral sex is the only method that consistently allows my wife to orgasm” or “The best sex tips for men should start with teaching men how to give outstanding oral sex. If you can do that, then you can make her reach her orgasm every single time.”
So let me ask you something.
Do you remember that South Park episode where all the boys go on an expedition to find the clit?
The entire joke relies on the idea that finding the clit can be tricky, but that if you don’t know where it’s at, then you’re an inexperienced boy.
But here’s the deal:
As a man, you shouldn’t be made to feel embarrassed for not knowing exactly where the clit is. (I’ve included a diagram below to show you where it’s at)
And as women, we should feel comfortable enough to guide a man to the right area. It’s our responsibility to show him how to please us.
So let me address the ladies for a second:
Women, you can’t keep silent and hope he’ll magically have an “ah-ha” moment and suddenly move his hand upwards toward your clit.
He will not, unless you tell him.
So while he’s fingering you or giving you oral sex, don’t be afraid to guide him to your clit. This can be done without any words, just a subtle gesture.
Okay, now back to the men.
Here’s a diagram of the clit:
It’s as small as a pea, but it’s powerful. You see, the clit’s sole purpose is to provide pleasure. That’s it.
And that’s why it has 8,000 nerve endings. (Which is twice as much as the head of a man’s penis.)
But it doesn’t stop there. This tiny little pea-sized button spreads that feeling to 15,000 other nerves in the pelvis. This is why a woman’s orgasm is more intense than a man’s.
But why can’t women orgasm from intercourse alone?
In research led by Dr. Kinsey and 5 other gynecologists on almost 900 women, they found that the interior walls of a woman’s vagina has relatively few nerve endings. They described the interior walls as “quite insensitive.”
So gone are the days where sex is penis-dependant. This is more than just sex tips for men. This is an invitation to let go of your anxieties about size, stamina, or performance. If you want your woman to have an orgasm, then focus on her clit during foreplay.
So now you know. But you’re probably wondering:
How do I learn how to pleasure her clitoris correctly?
While I could write some tips for you, I realize that anything I would write here would pale in comparison to this book.
So here’s the deal:
Dr. Ian Kerner is a sex therapist who spent countless hours researching and writing this book on pleasuring women. (Which became a New York Times bestseller – and for good reason)
So if you want a step-by-step guide on how to make her orgasm every time, then you need to read that book.
And if you’re a woman who’s interested in pleasing yourself, I can guarantee you’ll have several “ah-ha” moments from reading it too.
4 | Thinking sex starts in the bedroom
“I know that men may go from 0 to 60 in three seconds, but for us it’s different. I need affection beforehand. A little kissing and hugging go a long way.” – Private
Dr. Ian Kerner, a sex researcher and New York Times Bestselling author had this to say about it:
“Men may turn on like a light, but for women, arousal doesn’t happen so fast.”
Dr. Kerner goes onto say, “Feeling safe and secure in the relationship is key for a woman to really let loose during sex. For example, hugging for 30 seconds stimulates oxytocin, the hormone in women that creates a sense of connection and trust.”
So what do women want in bed?
Affection and attention outside of the bedroom. Why? Because for a woman, arousal has a lot to do with our minds – not our bodies.
5 | Not cleaning up afterward
“I’ve been completely grossed out by men who think it’s fine to throw a used condom on the floor or put it on the nightstand.” – Nicole, 35
I get it. You probably want to roll over and fall asleep after sex. But these sex tips for men go beyond what you do during the act. Especially if you’re staying the night at her place, do the right thing and clean up after yourself.
And make sure you throw condoms and their wrappers away in the trash and not the toilet.
6 | Stubble trouble
“I don’t like it when men rub their 5 o’clock shadows against my sensitive areas. It has a sharp feeling that’s super painful.” – Kenya, 36
“I like the way scruff looks but I don’t want it rubbing all over my vagina. And please avoid using aftershave or other products on your face before oral sex. That stuff can really irritant our lady parts.” – Private
Both of these women said it right.
There are 2 important things to remember here:
1. Aftershave and other beard products can cause a reaction to our sensitive area, so put them on hold until after sex is over
2. 5 o’clock shadows tend to be extra prickly and uncomfortable. Make sure you’re either clean-shaven or your scruff has grown out past the prickly phase.
7 | Bad hygiene
“I enjoy giving oral sex but I can’t stomach the thought of doing it on a man if he doesn’t clean his penis properly. It puts us in a tough situation because we don’t want to offend you if we bring it up. So if you’re expecting us to give you oral, take a quick shower first.” – Tiara, 24
And fellas, don’t just focus on your genitals. Scrub your entire body. Feet and all.
Here’s what one woman had to say:
“I once dated a guy who didn’t scrub his feet in the shower. The smell was awful and completely killed the mood. So one of the most important sex tips for men is to literally wash from head to toe.” – Private
So let’s be honest.
Men have a lot going on. And sweat and other odors get easily trapped in their body hair and linger for a while.
Does the picture above apply to you?
If you said yes, then you might have to re-check your hygiene habits.
8 | Not manscaping
“I hate it when men have a full-blown bush down there and expect us to give oral sex. It’s a total turnoff.” – Private
“It doesn’t have to be completely bald down there, but I prefer it when a man is trimmed. Plus, it makes your junk look bigger when it’s not hidden in a forest of hair.” – Jessica, 28
So get this:
A recent study showed that 93% of women – as unanimous as it gets – say they prefer men who manscape.
And here’s the deal:
Manscaping doesn’t just encourage invitations for oral sex. It’s also more appealing because women are more interested in your manhood when you take care of it.
So fellas, feel free to bust out the clippers and keep it trimmed.
9 | Too rough, too soon.
“I’ve had more than one man apply too much pressure or ram me too hard in the beginning. It’s not that I don’t like it hard. It’s that it hurts if you don’t start out slow.” – Danielle, 38
So here’s the thing:
Women need time to become aroused and relaxed. And it can be extremely painful when we’re not prepped for penetration.
As I mentioned above, it doesn’t hurt to use lube and start off softly. Then you can pick up the pace once she’s ready.
10 | Assuming she’s just like your last partner
“Every woman is different. And it’s not that you can’t apply your old skills to your new relationship. But you have to be willing to try new things based on what we like.” – Private
Don’t worry. This doesn’t just pertain to sex tips for men. Women make this mistake, too.
So what do you do about it?
Talk about sex outside the bedroom. Learn what your new partner likes. Share fun intimacy ideas with each other.
And don’t just wait until you’re in the bedroom to try to figure it all out. Great sex starts with communication.
Recapping what women want in bed – 10 Mistakes to Avoid
- Judging her excitement by how wet she gets
- Touching certain areas without asking
- Neglecting the clit
- Thinking sex starts in the bedroom
- Not cleaning up afterward
- Stubble trouble
- Bad hygiene
- Not manscaping
- Too rough, too soon
- Assuming she’s just like your last partner
3 Resources for a better sex life: